Once awoken, can never sleep

Lies within the breast.

Company must always keep,

This thing, it cannot rest.

.

Asked for, but unwanted,

The fear can drive you mad.

Maketh man undaunted,

And doubtful yet glad.

.

The questions fester unanswered,

Leading you through mires,

Self-inflicted delusion in mere banter,

The Awakening of Desire.

The Vicious Circle is this: the more work there is to be done, the less I want to do it. Which, therefore, leads to more work needing to be done. When I have no “open loops” as the Getting Things Done protocol names it, I can do whatever I want. But when I have all kinds of open loops, closing them is harder because I have all these other loops that I also have to close. It’s the equivalent of collecting mental clutter when I need to focus, or trying to move around baggage when you already have a hundred pounds on your back, and every extra loop is another 10 pounds.

The way to break through it is to ignore the other loops. Just get whatever you need to get done finished, and then you can move on to the next thing. But for now, everything else does not exist. Forget it. Just do what you can, and you’ll know you’ve already tried your hardest, and you can try again tomorrow. And then once you’ve finished something, it gathers like steam in a locomotive, and your momentum can push you through all your tasks, until you sit at the end thinking, “Huh. That wasn’t THAT hard.”

TLDR, half the battle’s in your head, dear procrastinator and corner cutter. Get back to work!

I seem to currently have a fascination with the early 1900s. Cafe Society is about a young man who enters the high-society world of Hollywood and then New York, but runs into the love of his life only to be separated for the rest of their lives by the society they made fun of. However, their dreams, and love, never die. “Live each day like it’s you last, and someday you may be right.” Furthermore, when we don’t have the courage to live our lives, we spend the rest of our lives regretting it.

Dodging my RPG writing responsibility for now. Criticism took me in a whole new direction, and sometimes I don’t want to think about it. Coward’s way out, and into a fresh grave.

I don’t understand genre labels: they don’t help me find anything. For example, the Man from U.N.C.L.E is marked as a Drama. ???

And then pretty much every book at the library is some kind of thriller series or murder novel or such mystery. They kind of bore me, as do the science fiction and the urban fantasy, so filled with meaningless new jargon and overused tropes. And those “classics” you speak of can bore me to death.

I got lucky with that last book, and it makes me hunger for more. Argh. It just makes me want to go back to the days of reading kids fiction. I could be a snob, but they had to be really bad to make a kid go, “Huh. That was really unremarkable and empty,” or, “Yeah, it’s a good novel, but why do there have to be fourteen more sequels?”

I should stick with awards lists and the good classics. Maybe I’ll get some Dostoevsky. Or Moby Dick. They can both put me to sleep. Nah, I have the Hobbit. Maybe a translated version of Canterbury tales would be nice. Or some Shakespeare. Ah, decisions. I just picked the Last Don. Good enough.

Maybe I’ll put out a Godfather review.

The charming and witty gentleman Count Alexander Ilyich Rostov is established as nobility by the Soviet Union and sentenced to a life in the Hotel Metropol. There, he makes many acquaintances and friendships as the world outside changes from the Russia of antiquity to the Russia of communism. As the clocks tick by, he busies himself with his livelihood inside, whether working at the Boyarsky or spying on assemblies, to raising a daughter or gaining a love interest, and finishing as a wonderful remark about the people we meet in our lives and how we move on through the world, or how that world moves around us.

The dialogue is clever. The characters are many and interesting. The world progresses and evolves. Perhaps the only thing I could want from this book is that it moved slower, but that only proves its very point. I also appreciated much of the lengthy and philosophical speeches shared by the narrator, but how they were also argued between multiple characters, and the sharing of important ideas throughout the book. I also greatly appreciated the gradual reveal of the the Count, no ordinary two-dimensional vaudevillian. Throughout the early parts of the story, we not only come to know the Count, but how and why he became the Count.

There’s so much I love about this book, but the fact that all these parts were woven together in one narrative makes me love it more. Honestly, it was hard for me to put this book away. I’d put this one with The Book Thief on my shelf of favorites.

The rare valid day to stay inside and enjoy pie with tea and books. But, the rain is moving away. Woke up to a power outage. Baking.

My Halloween project. My other one’s coming out soon. Made with Plaster of Paris and some spraypaint.

My first good pie! Made with real pumpkin, homemade crust, and some chopped raisins, nuts, and toasted oats with honey on top. Needs a little more spice.

Spoopy season is over. Writing season is in. The cold wind blows.

I wonder what it would be like to grow up in a foreign country with entirely different taste buds, then come to the U.S. and try a burger. It’s probably like us going to eat the spongy Ethiopean bread. (I’ve had it, just don’t remember its name.)

How to make witty comebacks in ten seconds: When someone gives you shit, you give them shit, or make fun of them giving you shit. Don’t hold back: If you wait, the moment is gone.

Example: “Dangit Django, why’re you leaving your garbage in the way?” Correct answer: “I left them just for you! Do you like it?”

And remember, be sure to let them know it’s a joke. Unless it’s not, and you hate their guts.

The cold weather is finally here.

It always makes me laugh, how people tell me that a bunch of evolved apes are going to destroy the world. IF what you’re saying is true, it’s not the planet that’s going to perish, it’s us. We’ll be dinosaurs for some other species. Life evolves, grows, adapts. Some of us won’t.

And, by the way, if they can falsify COVID and elections, what makes you think they can’t do the same for Climate Change?

Some people care more about a dog’s breed than the actual dog.

If you know, you understand what I mean.

Economy is like Halloween. You can either hoard all the candy to yourself, or you can take some candy from others and give some candy back.

Maturing is also a kind of economical exchange. First, we take and take and take, and when we grow, we learn to exchange for what we want, until someday we can give. Thanks to Manson for that one.

You can learn about non-renewable resources and global warming in school, but not practice your religion. I should have thanked my science teacher.

It takes a big bang to reverse a downward spiral.

Having cool stuff doesn’t make you cool, it makes you a hoarder. Accomplish things! Be bold! Chase your passion to the end of the world and beyond!

People with OCD have bottomless pits they’re trying to fill. I can’t get over the fact that my *** taught me to suck.

Simplify.

As to my previous rant on Shame, I believe the correct terminology is modernism vs. post-modernism. Do we even try to improve ourselves, or accept our inevitable imperfection?

You can acknowledge your doom and become defeated or invigorated. We each have the beautiful freedom to make our own lives, to live in this world. Isn’t that pretty fantastic?

The world might be burning. It might be freezing. It might be ravaged by war. So what do you want to do tomorrow?

You don’t have to write a hundred page essay to communicate a simple message. But it’s nice sometimes.

I can see what Marx meant about religion being the opiate of the masses. It numbs them down to the horrors of the world. Because who doesn’t want an objective purpose in their life? Who wants to face the possibility that there is no afterlife? Religion answers questions for us and calms us down so we can go back to work without fear. It’s a great tool for control, too.

Which makes me wonder. Was Jesus really the Messiah? I mean, I already know so much about him has been perverted, and changed to suit the purposes of the church, so how do we even know he came back from the dead? How do we know he existed at all? Faith vs. Logic. (Logic can be evil too. Conviction vs. Rationality.)

But a story doesn’t need to be true to be effective, as shown in today’s world. COVID doesn’t have to kill 1% of people, people just have to believe it does, as they still do. And maybe the calmness is the objective of religion. It’s not a bad thing. You just have to acknowledge it. It doesn’t mean you have to attack it, or destroy it. It’s just painkillers for life, even if it is or isn’t true. And sometimes painkillers help us: they allow us to continue and function.

Paychecks are dumb. They don’t inspire anyone to do hard work, they just inspire people to milk the clock and stay as long as possible until they go crazy. Put some thought into your design, and pay attention to what it dis/incentivises.

Journaling is like having a conversation with yourself or someone else in the future. “What did you do today?" They’ll ask. “How do you feel?"

I’ll enjoy looking back on today. I wonder what I’ll think.

Reviewing your past is the only way to learn for the future. Maybe you should look at yourself from a different perspective and cut through the crap. A lot of it is crap. Maybe some of it is the burger I ate today and made me feel oily and grumpy. Or maybe it’s because I’m stressed by something else, not John or Jane Doe.