Shame.

Videogaming addiction. The internet is so magnetic, so attractive, so free and alluring and distracting (especially for us.) I tell myself it won’t happen again, then I say, “I’ll just do it this time,” then I find myself ashamed. What would you think about the person who watches a movie, then plays videogames, then does their chores? I know what I think. That person is a loser. That person is the last person I want to be. That person is who I see in the reflection.

And the little voice says, “But shouldn’t you be proud of who you are? After all, you can’t change who you are, so you may as well live with it. C’est la vie.”

And my other voice says, “But that doesn’t mean you have to be that way forever. Maybe it’s time to grow. You can’t expect to be this awesome person tomorrow if you do nothing today. Doing nothing to change yourself isn’t acknowledgement of who you are, it’s neglectful of who you could be.”

And me slumps onto the couch, tired of thinking, tired of being, tired of being tired and ashamed. And so begins again.